TOP DOG PRESS

RELAXATION EXERCISE

This is a place of peace, where no harm can come to you. Relax and breathe deep. Feel the air moving into your lungs, filling your chest. Feel the air moving out easy and slow. Feel your chest rising and falling as you let the air fill you, then flow away, slow and easy...

Be aware of your feet and ankles, feeling relaxed and comfortable. Let whatever tension is in them seep away. Your knees and hips feel heavy, relaxed, and comfortable....

Your chest, your stomach, and your whole body, feel relaxed and quiet....

You are beginning to feel very calm and relaxed....

Your hands, your arms, and your shoulders feel heavy, relaxed, and comfortable....

You can feel your neck and shoulders unwind, loosen up, smooth out, and relax more and more....

Your neck, your jaws, and your forehead feel relaxed....

They feel comfortable and smooth....

Your eyes feel heavy and relaxed....

Your whole body feels loose, comfortable, and relaxed....

Your arms and hands are heavy and warm....

You feel very calm and relaxed....

Your whole body is relaxed and your hands are warm, relaxed and warm....

 Your mind is calm, relaxed, and quiet....

 Warmth is flowing into your hands, they feel nice and warm....

 You feel a quietness inside you....

 You are calm and peaceful....

 Your mind is quiet and your whole body is relaxed and comfortable.

SCRIPT FOR ILLUMINATING THE DUNGEON

Imagine for yourself a forest, a place where there is no sign or sound of the busy human world, only woods and blue sky visible through the canopy of leaves. When I imagine this place for myself, I picture a forest I know well and visit often, on a small mountain where the steep slopes harbor ancient maples and oaks and hemlocks, trees too big around to circle with your arms.

Imagine a grove of such ancient trees, imagine shafts of golden sunlight filtering down through the boughs. Imagine that you are one of them.

Imagine that your spine is straight and strong as the trunk of that great tree. You have stood in this place for hundreds of years, calm and sturdy, feeling the seasons pass over you and through you, spring and summer and fall and winter and spring again. Your roots reach deep into the warm sacred earth, reaching into nourishment and cool clear water, pulling the sustenance you need from tiny threads of roots stretching wide beneath you, into great deep taproots, drawing the power and warmth of the rich dark earth into you, drawing it up through your great warm trunk, rising to your boughs and branches stretching up into the sky to the brilliant warmth of the sun. And the sunlight surrounds you, bathes you, sinks into your bark. Your leaves stir in the breeze and soak up the sun. The air itself moves into you, soaks into your leaves, which breathe the air in and out and stir in the wind and glow brilliant in the warm bright sun. Your deep roots sunk into the embracing earth, your great sturdy trunk supporting you, your branches reaching to the blue sky and the brilliant sun, you are centered on the earth,  energy of the earth and water and air and light flowing into you and out of you in balance and belonging.

So you are also here in this room, centered on the earth in your human body. Remember your body now, calm, balanced, belonging in this moment, feeling the breath move in and out, your feet on the floor, your seat on the chair, your hands resting. You are comfortable in your body, and safe here, in this house of yourself.

The house of self is a place you know well. You have lived here all your life. You have seen this place in dreams, if you remember them. It is always different and always the same. In dreams, it might sometimes be a place you lived in when you were a child. Sometimes it is other places you have lived, sometimes it is everyplace you have lived, rooms opening to other rooms in a logic that is perfectly right even though they never existed that way in reality. In the house of your self, there are rooms that you spend nearly all your waking time in, places where you do the mundane business of living, where your social self lives. There are rooms where you almost never go, where the more hidden, secret parts of yourself live. Sometimes it is easier to understand the hidden parts of yourself by imagining that they are other people, but they are not. They are just parts of yourself. No one lives here in this house of yourself but you, and you are safe here. There is no one here but you.

The other parts of yourself that live here, in the rooms you seldom visit, are parts of yourself that you know at an intuitive level, in ways of thinking that do not always use words. You recognize them the same way you recognize things in dreams, as metaphors, even if you do not always understand them. You don’t have to be dreaming to go to the places where they live, in your house of self. You can go there now, and see those parts of yourself as metaphors, as if they were separate beings. You can look at them and describe them and know who they are. You can learn things about them by observing them. If you want to, you can ask them questions in your mind, and listen to what they have to say to you. You can learn from them.

We are here right now to explore the parts of ourselves that have to do with sexuality and, particularly, the practice of BDSM. There is a room in your house of self that is set aside for just that purpose. It’s the room where you imagine your fantasies taking place, the place where your fantasies come from, the place where you try on the costumes and the roles you imagine playing in BDSM scenes. You can call it a dungeon, or maybe a playroom. It’s a place you have often enjoyed visiting. It is a place that is familiar to you, and even if it may not always be completely comfortable, it is completely safe. You’re going to go there now. A part of yourself that you have something to learn from is waiting there.

The room is not completely dark, but it may be dimly lit. Sometimes you don’t always want to see very clearly what’s in there. We go to that place, like we use BDSM, to play with the feelings that we usually keep hidden in the shadows. This time, because you want to get a good look at the part of yourself that you’ll find there, it might be a good idea to bring a flashlight, or some kind of lamp, or a candle.  Imagine that you are holding it in your hand. One of those big nine-volt flashlights, maybe. Or a lantern. Imagine yourself holding it by the handle. Click it on to make sure it works. Strike a match to light the flame. Now pick it up and take it with you.

Imagining yourself standing at the head of a flight of stairs. It is a well-lit, ordinary staircase. You don’t need your lamp yet. Just step down, one step at a time. You feel warm and comfortable and relaxed and safe here, in this stairwell in your house of self. Step down. Feel the riser under your foot. Feel the banister rail at your fingertips. Step down. Breathe slowly and easily. Take another step down, and another. The air is fresh and comfortably warm; breathe it in and take another step. Breathe out. Step down.

You are at the bottom of the stairs now, and there is a door in front of you. It’s an ordinary door. You have been here many times before, to dream and fantasize and play. When you open the door, you will meet someone you already know, because they are just a part of yourself. Take a deep breath and let it out. Now open the door.

Who do you see there? Is it Desire? What does Desire look like? Is she a young girl, excited and full of life but who doesn’t know yet what she wants? It doesn’t matter how old you are, there will always be some part of you that has not experienced fulfillment yet, something you want deep down that you have never had a chance to experience yet. Does she want you to take care of her and keep her safe? Or maybe Desire is a hot young stud  who wants what he wants whether it’s good for him or not. Is he a love ‘em and leave ‘em kind of guy, always looking for the next turn-on, the next fetish, the new playmate? What does he want? What does he have a hard-on for RIGHT NOW? Or maybe Desire is a gorgeous older woman, worldly, beautiful, experienced. Is Desire here to help you discover what makes you happy and fulfilled? Is she a courtesan, a teacher, a Mrs. Robinson?

Who is there, in the open doorway of that playroom in your house of self? Is it just a little too dim to make out? Lift your lamp. Turn on your flashlight.

Maybe the person who has come to meet you here is someone who usually lives in other parts of your house of self, someone you are accustomed to dealing with in other aspects of your life. Maybe it is someone you have come to look for here before, to deliberately play with situations and emotions that have a strong charge for you. Is it Shame, standing here in your dungeon? What does Shame look like?  Is she a ragged smelly old bag-lady with a half-empty wine bottle? Is he a little boy with a dirty diaper? Is he a mean policeman, posted to keep you from doing anything that might be naughty or satisfying or fun? Or maybe the person standing in front of you is Need? Who is Need? What does Need look like? Is Need someone you usually just look through or away from, pretending not to notice? Or is it someone who gets in your face and won’t leave you alone until you give him what he’s after? What IS he after, right now? What is it that makes Need powerful, what is it that makes her weak?

Maybe there are two characters here to meet you, companions who are never parted, or brothers, or maybe even twins who look very much alike but who serve different functions. Maybe you’re looking at Fear and Anger, who very often look a lot alike. Or Anxiety and her twin, Excitement. Sometimes you can look at one of these at not know which one she is; can you see a way to tell them apart, now that they’re standing here together, in front of you? Maybe they can tell you how to tell them apart.

It’s possible that you have met someone here that you wish wasn’t here, someone you would rather give an eviction notice to. Is the name of the person in front of you, Control? What does Control look like, what kind of a person is it, what clothes is he or she wearing, what tools or implements might Control be carrying? If you don’t want this person here, if you want him or her to get lost, can you ask what will convince them to leave? What do they need before they feel like they can go away? On the other hand, maybe this is the perfect place for Control to show up – the perfect place where you can get him or her a lot of exercise, where you can wear them out on a willing submissive and not have to bring them with you everywhere you go in your daily life. What would give Control enough to do here, that he or she would stay out of your way the rest of the time?

Or maybe you’re looking at a character who never leaves the dungeon, and the only place you ever have a chance to encounter them is here. If you are a bottom, maybe the person standing before you is Helplessness. Maybe you have met him or her somewhere before, in ordinary life, but here in the dungeon, maybe you see him as a small child, maybe even a baby. Is this the person who shares your body with you when you are tied up, blindfolded, gagged? What does the child need? What is he or she afraid of? If you are a top, maybe the person you are meeting here is Power. Maybe this is the part of you that is always strong and always right and in charge, that deserves to be treated with respect, that always gets her way. Is he a great Lord, or a Superhero? Does she look like a Mommy, or a Queen? Describe her. Look at what he’s wearing. Remember, this is not you that you’re writing about, but your Power.  What makes him who he is? What is her place in the world? If you are a bottom,  maybe the person standing in this dungeon doorway is Rebellion. Is he a bad boy or bad girl who deserves punishment? What has he done, that’s so bad? Why is she a bad girl? Or maybe the person in the doorway is Remorse, or Regret, or simply Guilt? Is he a convict in a prison uniform? What crime has he committed? If you were raised Catholic, your inner masochist may be a penitent  in a hair shirt. What is the sin he needs to be absolved of? What must she do penance for, over and over again? If you are a sadist, maybe you have just met your Inner Beast. This is a creature who never gets let loose in real life, who may be too dangerous to ever be let off his chain. He is safely chained now. You can look at her and talk to her if you want; she can’t hurt you or anyone else. Maybe your Beast isn’t human at all – maybe it’s a lion, standing before you in this dungeon. What does it feed on? What makes it hungry? What makes it prick up its ears, sniff the wind, set off on the hunt?  Maybe it’s a wolf. Maybe it’s a jackal. Maybe it’s a human monster – a vampire or a serial killer. What do you see? Does the Beast make you afraid, even though it’s part of you? What are you afraid of? What would happen, if your Beast could get what it wanted, even just a little of what it wanted, in a way that wouldn’t harm anyone – what kind of person could YOU be, if your Beast could fall asleep, satisfied?  If you are a masochist, and your inner bad girl or convict or penitent could finally be forgiven for what they did wrong, what kind of person might you become?

Maybe the person standing before you in the dungeon, here in your house of self, isn’t a personified emotion or a character in your inner drama or any separate thing at all, but your truest self, your self as the deity gave you potential to be? Sometimes I call this aspect of myself, God’s Skian, and I go into my own dungeon to look at him, and see who I might be if I weren’t so afraid of people making fun of me, if I wasn’t so lonely, if I wasn’t so angry about the ways I have been treated badly by people who said they loved me, if I didn’t have to spend so much time just getting the bills paid and keeping up appearances and doing what I’m supposed to do. Maybe you, right now, are standing in the doorway of your dungeon, looking into a mirror that can show you who you would be if you were free to be just exactly the person God made you, if you were free to do what you were best at, what gave you the greatest sense of accomplishment and right livelihood, if you were a tool and you had finally figured out just exactly what you were good for. Can you look in the mirror and see your truest self, one without masks or disguises or bad habits or shortcomings or old injuries that hold you back? If all the pain and heartache and loss that you have suffered, all the injuries that have maimed you, all the wear and tear and dings that have left your outward self something a little bedraggled and shopworn and sad and old, if all the things both good and bad that have happened to you have not been for nothing, but instead, have make you into a work of art that only the Goddess can see – if you could see that beauty with your own eyes, in the dungeon mirror, how would that feel?

Write that down. Hold that feeling to your chest, cradle it in your arms. Carry it with you.

Take your pen and write now, if you want to, about whatever you found most interesting and compelling. (Look at the board if you need a reminder of the ideas that have been offered.) If you met a person in the dungeon that you want to know more about, you can imagine asking that person questions – you can write down whatever comes to you. You will have (X) minutes more to write, then I will give you a little time to finish up and come back to the here and now.

PROMPTS

Who are they? What do they look like? What do they have to say? What do you want to ask them?

Desire                                   Rebellion                                    Control

Need                                     Regret/Remorse/Guilt               Joy                                    

Shame                                  Discipline                                    Love

Helplessness                       Anger                                           Inner Beast

Power                                   Fear                                             Your Truest Self

	

 

Ó Skian McGuire 2005